Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize