White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i think my cat just said my name.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
