I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
