i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
