he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
