she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
