If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
