Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Dicks are not precious.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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