Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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