Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Randomize
