You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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