Where is the hickey?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
