last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
