Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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