Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
