He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
