So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
