let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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