I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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