the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I would fuck him just for his dog
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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