Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
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The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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