This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
