I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
