I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize