I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
