i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I have tasted many bathrooms
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
