Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
