You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
