before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
