That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
