thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
