so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
