Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize