I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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