Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just found puke in my bra..
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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