I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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