I want to walk on stilts...naked
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
