I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize