Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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