a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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