I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
