I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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