If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
