end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
