A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
honey bunches of taint.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize