I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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