Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
