it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
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There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
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after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
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