I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
