There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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