Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Randomize
