It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
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