sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
