dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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