Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He felt like a one man threesome
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
