Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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