im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
