you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize