so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?