I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging