her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
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Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
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At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.