Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations