I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
